Just to touch base once again..it is now day 3 since the news. I spent the better part of Day 1 at my best friends and my daughters God parents home, Duncan & Christine. As soon as we got out of the car the neighbor's 2 little girls who were outside with their Mom spotted Chloe Megan and that took care of what the kids were doing today LOL..swimming as much as possible!
I spent a couple of hours with Christine of course talking about my news from my Oncologist but then we just enjoyed seeing each other and catching up. I then changed into my bathing suit and headed for the pool, but not till I blew up the 2 pool mattresses that I bought for myself and Chloe I've been dying to try out :-) Then as planned and anticipated I headed for the pool. This was sure to feel great! I worked up a sweat pumping up the mattresses so now even in spite of the most certain blood chilling cold of the water it will be refreshing and I can bear it till I get myself onto the mattress., or so I thought LOL....the water was colder than I anticipated, but regardless I worked too hard to get this mattress pumped and waited too long for this so just took a deep breath and used my arms to get me in the center of the pool facing the sun, and I floated around , aimlessly daydreaming enjoying the intense heat of the sun toasting up my cold wet body. ;-) The only part of me that I let in the pool was my hands and arms up to just past my elbows LOL..
Chloe remained with her friends the rest of the day till I as promised joined them for some time in the much appreciated heated pool . But before that I enjoyed talking over tea with the Mom of the 2 girls Nadine talking over the benefits of home schooling, and we did a lot of catching up as well.
All in all today was a good day in spite of. I got to be with good friends and family and most and best of all spend quality time with my pride and joy , my daughter Chloe Megan.
What more could I ever ask for.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Day 2 After News
Hello all,
It is Day 2 and the weather is strange. I woke up and went out in the yard to check the temperature of the pool and I got side tracked by the smells of the wild flowers and even tho there was a chill in the air, the warmth of the sun on my face and body sent surge of comfort through me. And just then Chloe Megan came out and walked towards me, stopping to pull a little yellow buttercup type flower she saw along the stone path, and as I watched her pretty face framed in long cascading curls smelling the tiny flower ,looking beautiful in all her innocence, a surge of relief coursed through me ,,,,for the 1st time in a long time I felt and just knew that everything was going to be o.k.
I am happy. The clouds were persistently covering the sun, but it would pass just as quickly. Strange phenomenon is that it rains when the sun is out!..It basically rained at random of and on all day long, clearing up as quickly as it started making it kind of hard to plan outdoor activities. We thought of cycling but didn't for fear of getting caught in the momentary downpour without any place to seek shelter.And swimming in an already cold water pool was not an option either.
So we just hung out together smelling and picking flowers for awhile.
Lookin' pretty in pink :-) it's no wonder I am so happy. How can I not be.
Trixie Doodle joining us in the fun ;-)
Think we'll just hang out. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully it will be warm enough to go swimming.
It is Day 2 and the weather is strange. I woke up and went out in the yard to check the temperature of the pool and I got side tracked by the smells of the wild flowers and even tho there was a chill in the air, the warmth of the sun on my face and body sent surge of comfort through me. And just then Chloe Megan came out and walked towards me, stopping to pull a little yellow buttercup type flower she saw along the stone path, and as I watched her pretty face framed in long cascading curls smelling the tiny flower ,looking beautiful in all her innocence, a surge of relief coursed through me ,,,,for the 1st time in a long time I felt and just knew that everything was going to be o.k.
I am happy. The clouds were persistently covering the sun, but it would pass just as quickly. Strange phenomenon is that it rains when the sun is out!..It basically rained at random of and on all day long, clearing up as quickly as it started making it kind of hard to plan outdoor activities. We thought of cycling but didn't for fear of getting caught in the momentary downpour without any place to seek shelter.And swimming in an already cold water pool was not an option either.
So we just hung out together smelling and picking flowers for awhile.
Lookin' pretty in pink :-) it's no wonder I am so happy. How can I not be.
Think we'll just hang out. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully it will be warm enough to go swimming.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Hello again,
Sorry it has been awhile, but a lot has been going on. I 've been wanting to write in my Blog so many times but something always seems to come up.
I promised to keep everyone up to speed about my Cancer and I always keep my promises. About a month ago I had some radiation on my hip, since my Cancer unfotunately metastasized to my pelvic bone and spot on my femur and the pain in my hip was unbelievable! SO I caved and opted for the radiation. I also had a CT Scan, which was long over do and I got the results yesterday. I wasn't surprised that it got worse in those spots in the bone, but what came as a complete surprise was my Doc said that there were some very very small nodules on my lungs :-(..Yeah you read correctly ON MY LUNG!!
OMG the sky is falling or it might as well have been .
Here comes the tears, but I had to fight and stay strong for my daughter;s sake who was right beside me.
My Oncologist didn't seem as bummed out as I was at all. He actually said that he was happy in the sense that it was found really early and with treatment I will be good as new...well almost as good as new lol
Thank God for small favors. I knew all along that the treatment they had me on wasn't working because my pain in my problem areas in the bone were getting worse and not better. To think , I lost my hair , well it thinned out so much that I started wearing a wig , my white and red cells kept dropping so low after each treatment that there were many times the Chemo was cancelled! So my treatments were far from consistent, and not to mention last but not least , the pain in my bones was above and beyond! There were moments where I shook the pain got so bad!
I called my Mom in New York and my best friends and God parents to my daughter and of course my boyfriend to tell him the news, and they are such a great support for me and my little girl. So much so my best friends asked if I wanted them to come and pick me and Chloe Megan up and bring us back to their place. I used to live there years ago when I was first diagnosed and Chloe Megan was only a babe in diapers. They have a beautiful pool that Chloe loves!\
Since I already started with supper and everything and it was after 8:30 pm I thought that going today (Wednesday) early in the day would be better. This was we have the entire day to enjoy the sun and pool.
So now I wait for my Doc or Pivot Nurse Andrea to call and tell me when I am to start the new Chemo which is called Taxol. It is supposed to be very good. From what my Doc said he is thinking that it would be better to give me the chemo in small doses every day , I am still not sure for how many weeks tho, as opposed to giving me a very strong dose once or twice a week for several weeks. My best friend Tine is off work these days and offered to watch over Chloe Megan for me while I go for treatments. It will be so much easier for me and a lot more fun for Chloe Megan instead of having to come along with me EVERY DAY for God knows how many weeks. This way can have peace of mind knowing that while I am taking care of myself and getting my treatments, she will be having lots of fun with Melanie and Nicholas swimming and playing :-)
I will kick this Cancer's Ass if it is the last thing that I do! I've manged to survive it for over 8 yrs now and I intend to beat it for good! As my late Grandfather used to say," Enough is Enough!" LOL
Sorry it has been awhile, but a lot has been going on. I 've been wanting to write in my Blog so many times but something always seems to come up.
I promised to keep everyone up to speed about my Cancer and I always keep my promises. About a month ago I had some radiation on my hip, since my Cancer unfotunately metastasized to my pelvic bone and spot on my femur and the pain in my hip was unbelievable! SO I caved and opted for the radiation. I also had a CT Scan, which was long over do and I got the results yesterday. I wasn't surprised that it got worse in those spots in the bone, but what came as a complete surprise was my Doc said that there were some very very small nodules on my lungs :-(..Yeah you read correctly ON MY LUNG!!
OMG the sky is falling or it might as well have been .
Here comes the tears, but I had to fight and stay strong for my daughter;s sake who was right beside me.
My Oncologist didn't seem as bummed out as I was at all. He actually said that he was happy in the sense that it was found really early and with treatment I will be good as new...well almost as good as new lol
Thank God for small favors. I knew all along that the treatment they had me on wasn't working because my pain in my problem areas in the bone were getting worse and not better. To think , I lost my hair , well it thinned out so much that I started wearing a wig , my white and red cells kept dropping so low after each treatment that there were many times the Chemo was cancelled! So my treatments were far from consistent, and not to mention last but not least , the pain in my bones was above and beyond! There were moments where I shook the pain got so bad!
I called my Mom in New York and my best friends and God parents to my daughter and of course my boyfriend to tell him the news, and they are such a great support for me and my little girl. So much so my best friends asked if I wanted them to come and pick me and Chloe Megan up and bring us back to their place. I used to live there years ago when I was first diagnosed and Chloe Megan was only a babe in diapers. They have a beautiful pool that Chloe loves!\
Since I already started with supper and everything and it was after 8:30 pm I thought that going today (Wednesday) early in the day would be better. This was we have the entire day to enjoy the sun and pool.
So now I wait for my Doc or Pivot Nurse Andrea to call and tell me when I am to start the new Chemo which is called Taxol. It is supposed to be very good. From what my Doc said he is thinking that it would be better to give me the chemo in small doses every day , I am still not sure for how many weeks tho, as opposed to giving me a very strong dose once or twice a week for several weeks. My best friend Tine is off work these days and offered to watch over Chloe Megan for me while I go for treatments. It will be so much easier for me and a lot more fun for Chloe Megan instead of having to come along with me EVERY DAY for God knows how many weeks. This way can have peace of mind knowing that while I am taking care of myself and getting my treatments, she will be having lots of fun with Melanie and Nicholas swimming and playing :-)
I will kick this Cancer's Ass if it is the last thing that I do! I've manged to survive it for over 8 yrs now and I intend to beat it for good! As my late Grandfather used to say," Enough is Enough!" LOL
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Baking our Passion and The Easy Bake Oven
Have I ever mentioned how much I love to bake!
Well I do. And what I love even more, is baking with my little girl, my daughter Chloe Megan. Her Grandma sent her a wonderful gift last week from Springwater Ny. Something she has wanted oh since ,,forever! An Easy Bake Oven. The look on Chloe's face when I pulled it out of the enormous box amongst the many other gifts my Mom her Grandma sent was priceless. Since opening that gift with a little guidance from me, she has baked Chocolate Chip cookies, Red Velvet Cake, Brownies. Pizza. Pretzels and the list is endless for all the other goodies she wants to make on her own. Don't get me wrong this new gift does not mean that she won't be helping me anymore when I bake lol, I would hate that since baking with her is such a joy for me. Watching her apply all the little tips &tricks I have learned over the years is such a joy and lifts my spirits even on the gloomiest of days. Actually to be honest , those gloomy days are far and few since she was born. And even when we have gloomy days because of the weather mostly befalls us, baking and cooking is and has always been my (our) way to brighten up the day, consequently our mood. It's the best therapy!
I plan to go to Walmart with Chloe today and get some accessories that is not sold with the actual oven, but I am also going to make batches of various homemade cookie dough and cake batters for her to have a selection and you get a lot more than in those small pre made cookie and cake mixes that are sold exclusively for the Easy Bake oven.Even the regular cake mixes from Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker will be more economical and she will get a lot more out of them. Lots more means lots more fun baking! As for today few short days before Christmas, I am going to be in the kitchen making batches of puff pastry and pie crust dough and keep in the freezer till I need them, so all have to do do is take them out of the freezer right when I need them and make some luscious puff pastry treats for some savory and sweet delights and various pies for desserts for Christmas Eve and for Christmas Day. Chloe of course will be helping me and of course she has some treats of her own she plans to make and bake with her Easy Bake Oven. Whatever it is it is sure to impress even the pickiest of pallets lol.
Pictures soom to come. :-)
Merry Christmas Everyone, and a Happy New Year ☺☺♥♥♥
Nothing like a Mother's Love
Well I do. And what I love even more, is baking with my little girl, my daughter Chloe Megan. Her Grandma sent her a wonderful gift last week from Springwater Ny. Something she has wanted oh since ,,forever! An Easy Bake Oven. The look on Chloe's face when I pulled it out of the enormous box amongst the many other gifts my Mom her Grandma sent was priceless. Since opening that gift with a little guidance from me, she has baked Chocolate Chip cookies, Red Velvet Cake, Brownies. Pizza. Pretzels and the list is endless for all the other goodies she wants to make on her own. Don't get me wrong this new gift does not mean that she won't be helping me anymore when I bake lol, I would hate that since baking with her is such a joy for me. Watching her apply all the little tips &tricks I have learned over the years is such a joy and lifts my spirits even on the gloomiest of days. Actually to be honest , those gloomy days are far and few since she was born. And even when we have gloomy days because of the weather mostly befalls us, baking and cooking is and has always been my (our) way to brighten up the day, consequently our mood. It's the best therapy!
I plan to go to Walmart with Chloe today and get some accessories that is not sold with the actual oven, but I am also going to make batches of various homemade cookie dough and cake batters for her to have a selection and you get a lot more than in those small pre made cookie and cake mixes that are sold exclusively for the Easy Bake oven.Even the regular cake mixes from Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker will be more economical and she will get a lot more out of them. Lots more means lots more fun baking! As for today few short days before Christmas, I am going to be in the kitchen making batches of puff pastry and pie crust dough and keep in the freezer till I need them, so all have to do do is take them out of the freezer right when I need them and make some luscious puff pastry treats for some savory and sweet delights and various pies for desserts for Christmas Eve and for Christmas Day. Chloe of course will be helping me and of course she has some treats of her own she plans to make and bake with her Easy Bake Oven. Whatever it is it is sure to impress even the pickiest of pallets lol.
Pictures soom to come. :-)
Merry Christmas Everyone, and a Happy New Year ☺☺♥♥♥
Nothing like a Mother's Love
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I'm in love with Crumb Boss T.V
I am addicted to Crumb Boss T.V on You Tube.
I swear I must spend at least 2 hrs of my day watching and re watching Gretchen Price who is the Crumb Boss and owner of the Woodland Bakery in Chatham N.J. Her and Steph who is the producer are hilarious together. I have laughed myself to tears listening and watching them together . They really add a whole new perspective to baking,
To those of you who knew me years ago, I used to have a home based catering business before the Cancer, and even tho I made everything you can imagine my passion is and has always been baking,
I am doing amazing and I continue to beat Cancer's Ass and even tho I never stopped cooking and baking , I wasn't cooking and or baking any where near as much or creating new recipes like I used to. Ahh such is life,. But I did bake a lot for friends and of course my precious little girl Chloe Megan who by the way is turning 7 on Sunday February 3rd . Many great and fond memories were created baking with her in the kitchen and watching her adorable little face light up when the cakes, cookies we made came out of the oven, and she would yell out for all to hear, " I made that with my Mommy" .
One thing that hasn't changed for Chloe is licking the beaters and bowl LOL..hey even I still do that! It's the best !..
This birthday I will be baking her birthday cake. It is going to be a theme cake fashioned after one of her all time favorite Disney movies, "The Princess and the Frog". For those of you in my age group if you remember the Princess when we were kids was white, but now the Princess whose name is Tiana, is African American and the story takes place in New Orleans. This is going to be a lot of fun to make for me because the last cake, or theme cake rather that I made was for my friends daughters birthday, and it was also a Princess Doll cake,.the doll was Ariel from the little Mermaid who is Also Chloe's favorite too and I thought for sure that she would want it for herself this year. I t was a beautiful; cake and I wish that I had taken pictures of the finished cake. I designed the mermaid dress on the doll using green and blue roll-ups! and WOW it was awesome !! I used blue food coloring on the white buttercream under her to make the waves..and jelly candy that I rolled flat and dipped in sugar and made cut outs of the starfish and other sea creatures. It was something to see and made a little girls birthday that much more special. So this year Chloe;s cake has to be out of this world!
I went out a few months ago and bought her a collection of Princess Dolls and one of them of course the the African American Princess Tiana, so I already have the doll.Chloe Megan's favorite flavor for the cake is chocolate. So I plan to make a 2-3 Tier cake and the top of the cake will be another cake but it is going to be the doll part with Princess Tiana standing on the top, her gown of course is another cake.
The entire cake will be made using my idol and inspiration the Crumb Boss's recipes. So i'm using her recipes and my artistic flair motivated purely from my love for my little angel.
MY intention is to make a video of the process, and if I that can't happen I will definitely post a picture of the finished cake here in my blog, in YouTube in My Channel and of course in FaceBook on the Crumb Boss page for her all of her loyal followers and fans to see what she has inspired .
She truly has been a positive inspiration to get me out of the cob webs and back in the kitchen doing what I love to do, creating yummy and beautiful pastries and cakes for my loved ones to enjoy!
Who knows maybe I will start a home business again!
I ♥♥ Crumb Boss !!!!
Here is the Crumb Boss 's website where you will find all the delicious recipes you see her do in Crumb Boss t.v in You Tube
I swear I must spend at least 2 hrs of my day watching and re watching Gretchen Price who is the Crumb Boss and owner of the Woodland Bakery in Chatham N.J. Her and Steph who is the producer are hilarious together. I have laughed myself to tears listening and watching them together . They really add a whole new perspective to baking,
To those of you who knew me years ago, I used to have a home based catering business before the Cancer, and even tho I made everything you can imagine my passion is and has always been baking,
I am doing amazing and I continue to beat Cancer's Ass and even tho I never stopped cooking and baking , I wasn't cooking and or baking any where near as much or creating new recipes like I used to. Ahh such is life,. But I did bake a lot for friends and of course my precious little girl Chloe Megan who by the way is turning 7 on Sunday February 3rd . Many great and fond memories were created baking with her in the kitchen and watching her adorable little face light up when the cakes, cookies we made came out of the oven, and she would yell out for all to hear, " I made that with my Mommy" .
One thing that hasn't changed for Chloe is licking the beaters and bowl LOL..hey even I still do that! It's the best !..
This birthday I will be baking her birthday cake. It is going to be a theme cake fashioned after one of her all time favorite Disney movies, "The Princess and the Frog". For those of you in my age group if you remember the Princess when we were kids was white, but now the Princess whose name is Tiana, is African American and the story takes place in New Orleans. This is going to be a lot of fun to make for me because the last cake, or theme cake rather that I made was for my friends daughters birthday, and it was also a Princess Doll cake,.the doll was Ariel from the little Mermaid who is Also Chloe's favorite too and I thought for sure that she would want it for herself this year. I t was a beautiful; cake and I wish that I had taken pictures of the finished cake. I designed the mermaid dress on the doll using green and blue roll-ups! and WOW it was awesome !! I used blue food coloring on the white buttercream under her to make the waves..and jelly candy that I rolled flat and dipped in sugar and made cut outs of the starfish and other sea creatures. It was something to see and made a little girls birthday that much more special. So this year Chloe;s cake has to be out of this world!
I went out a few months ago and bought her a collection of Princess Dolls and one of them of course the the African American Princess Tiana, so I already have the doll.Chloe Megan's favorite flavor for the cake is chocolate. So I plan to make a 2-3 Tier cake and the top of the cake will be another cake but it is going to be the doll part with Princess Tiana standing on the top, her gown of course is another cake.
The entire cake will be made using my idol and inspiration the Crumb Boss's recipes. So i'm using her recipes and my artistic flair motivated purely from my love for my little angel.
MY intention is to make a video of the process, and if I that can't happen I will definitely post a picture of the finished cake here in my blog, in YouTube in My Channel and of course in FaceBook on the Crumb Boss page for her all of her loyal followers and fans to see what she has inspired .
She truly has been a positive inspiration to get me out of the cob webs and back in the kitchen doing what I love to do, creating yummy and beautiful pastries and cakes for my loved ones to enjoy!
Who knows maybe I will start a home business again!
I ♥♥ Crumb Boss !!!!
Here is the Crumb Boss 's website where you will find all the delicious recipes you see her do in Crumb Boss t.v in You Tube
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
My Sleeping Beauty
This is the view I had this morning when I awoke.. the sight of my little angel sleeping beside me warmed my heart and very soul. And I started to think about what she will be when she is an adult. What dreams will she fulfill , what does she want to be when she grows up, will she get married and have 1 child or many children? And if she does have a family will she choose to be a fulltime Mom or will she be one of those modern women of today and try to do it all?, career , husband and kids.
Whatever she decides I intend to be there to see it all.
I used to sit and get lost in thought about the prospect of not being here to even see her take her first steps, because I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when she was still an infant, not even walking yet.
Now look at where we are today..she is not only walking . but running and playing , talking and singing, writing her name and the names of those she cares for the most. Having play dates, helping me bake cookies and cakes (especially her favorite)chocolate and especially fudgy brownies..
She even cleans her own room without me having to ask!
I could not have prayed for a better child.
She is the light of my life.
My reason for being
My Sleeping Beauty.
This is my little Sleeping Beauty waking up, looking up at me from my tummy 
Mommy loves you baby!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
So Far So Good
Well, today is the second day into my new method of getting Chemotherapy. On Friday the government approved the cost of the new Chemo in a pill, named Xeloda. It is very very expensive. I am so happy that they did. From what I was told by my Pharmacist many people were not as fortunate as I am and were disapproved, I was also told that the government doesn’t pass approval that fast either..
When I picked it up yesterday I didn’t take it right away, instead Nadette , my Oncology Nurse suggested to start the regime after supper and that it probably wouldn’t hurt to take the Metaclop eat least a half hour before.
Metaclop is a drug that is given to primarily cancer patients receiving Chemo. It slows down the digestive and intestinal system, preventing nausea and vomiting.
I cannot begin to express how nervous I was either. . I took the Metaclop and waited a half an hour than I ate something too to make sure that I had something buffering any hostile effects of the Xeloda.
For now I will go about my day as usual and not dwell upon any possible nasty side effects such as, Mouth Sores, Itchy and painful palms and or soles of the feet, abdominal pain and of course nausea and vomiting. These are the most common side effects reported to date. There are a few others but hey, if I keep on dwelling on the “possible” side effects I’ll end up making myself ill, LOL.
As for now I am happy and relieved to report, So far so good!!
Monday, December 5, 2011
My new Chemo in a Pill.
Well this morning I went to the hospital and picked up Xeloda. Xeloda is a new form of Chemo, it comes in pill form,.
My body starting getting used to the other Chemo I was on, called Navalbine, and it was administered intravenously. Other than just feeling a little tired , I never ever had any problems or nasty side effects.
I was told that I might experience some abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting, mouth sores and flushing and burning sensation of the hands and or extremities. UGH ! I don’t want to feel sick or nauseous, or have any of that!.But I will take them like a good and responsible little Cancer Patient hehe.
I fought this long and have been successful at keeping the Cancer in check and I will continue to fight and kick this Cancer’s Ass! LOL.
I have too much to live for to give up now, and I have a lot of people counting on me to not give up.
But the most important person to keep fighting for is of course my precious daughter Chloe Megan. She has been my inspiration and my reason for being,
The smile on her face that I am blessed to see every day is worth fighting anything and anyone to keep on seeing,
I will do my best to keep everyone posted as to how I am doing and feeling,
I am starting after supper tonight. I was given instruction to take 3 pills twice daily for 2 weeks and then on the 3rd week I don’t take any, it’s my week off, and I see my Oncologist once in a month. So now I won’t have to go back and forth to the hospital anymore. Being able to have Chemo in the comfort of my home is definitely a bonus, because I honestly was getting fed up of traveling back and forth, back and forth.
Today has been dark and gloomy with scattered showers, but that is ok. Chloe Megan is my sunshine in a small package LOL..and we are doing all kinds of fun stuff,,,reading ,drawing, painting and coloring pictures etc..We have all kinds of fun arts & craft projects to keep us entertained and happy.
As long as we are together we always have a lot of fun!
Well everyone in Blog land, there will be lots more to come . Going to soak in a hot tub infused with Lavender essential oils and candlelight..Mmmmm I am so looking forward to this!..this will do wonders for my mind and my body right now…
Friday, November 18, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Wonderful Mother
God made a wonderful mother, |
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The Greatest News Ever!
My News didn't actually happen today, but rather it happened a few weeks ago.
I went to my routine Oncologist Appointment for a check up and also where he prescribes my Chemo and Antibodies dosage for the next cycle. After they do the routine marker checks in my blood, that is when he is able to determine how and if the treatments are in fact doing their job or not..
Now let me back track here for a moment., about 3 weeks prior to this visit I underwent a routine bone scan , now when I say "routine" bone scan, that would mean for any one else other than myself, every 3 to 6 months max. LOL. I laugh because I haven't been what you would call a "normal cancer patient", mainly because I have missed a half a dozen or so bone scan appointments over the last 2 years!..
Never intentionally mind you, but for very valid reasons each and every time !, I just honest to goodness , had every intention of making and keeping the appointments but it never happened as it were , something always came up preventing me from being able to go.
My Oncologist Dr.Cristiano Ferrario would get so upset with me too whenever I'd missed the bone scan appointments let me tell you! But he was understanding and would never stay mad at me for very long. Fortunately for me, lol.
Any way going on with my good news lol,..Cristiano came in the room and says, " Hey Bon Giorno how are you and little Chloe? Chloe was of course sitting right there with me as usual, and I said , "Great Doc and you"? he says, "Very Good very good" and touches Chloe on the cheek making her blush
He then turns around and signs in to his computer to check my Blood Results, markers etc. and also the Bone Scan results.
After a few moments he turns to me and says, " I have some good news and I have some bad news". To which I say, "Oh"? Ok..Ummm tell me the bad news 1st, and this I tell you I had to really think about, but I'm tough I can handle it right? Ha , or so I thought because nothing could prepare me for what was going to come out of his mouth.
He then says, "Well before I go on, as you know I have been here in Canada for several years now and I have been practicing under Fellowship with Dr. Panasci," and Canada has been very lenient in that they have been continuously extending my Visa allowing me to be here this long".The hospital has offered me a permanent position here to which I have accepted". Now I am really happy at this point because not only have I been his 1st patient but he has been my 1st and only Oncologist,,I owe him my life. We are not just Doctor and Patient but over the years we have become friends..He knows me inside and out, and has been with me since the very beginning. And I have been very concerned to say the least about him deciding that he did not want to continue on as Oncologist for the Jewish General and or practice here in Canada period!
And now he just eased all my worries and is telling me that he has been offered a permanent position and has accepted it.
"That's great Cristiano" "Oh my God I am so happy for you and for me as well" I said,
"So what's the bad news then"? He leans over, runs his hand through his hair and says with he head kinda bent down ,but looking right into my eyes now and in a lower tone says to me" Despite all the valid reasons for Immigration to grant me permanent residence and allow me to become a citizen of Canada and this wonderful permanent position that has been put on the table by the hospital, they refused". . At this point I could feel my heart come to my throat, and my eyes start to spasm and burn. I could not believe what I was hearing, all the reasons for why he should stay was playing in my mind like the last images of ones life flashing in front of the eyes right before you know your life is coming to an end. "BUT" he adds, "They will grant me permanency if I leave Canada and return to Italy for 6 months and return as a new applicant" "The hospital has tried everything apart from offering me to take this to the News and contact their lawyers to fight this, but I said no I don't want to risk pissing Immigration off and ruining any of my chances, they assured me acceptance if I comply and leave for 6 months, they will grant me citizenship and a new applicant", "SO I promise you I will be back and we will watch each other grow old, together".
Inspite of all the reasons I hate the thought of him leaving me after everything he has seem me through, I am, relieved that this is temporary and he will be back. But I HATE IT!! I am mortified of the thought that I will have no choice but to trust another Oncologist with my life,,After we discussed it a little further and him doing and saying everything just right so as to make sure that believed that he was returning, we agreed that it made the most sense that I be followed with the Oncolgist who he has been under Fellowship with, Dr.Lawrence Panasci.
I met Dr.Panasci with Dr . Ferrario the very 1st time I went to the Jewish after my diagnosis and Mastectomy, and he is very familiar with my case and has been following the case all these years..
I met him also once when I was in the ER and he was very nice and had a great bed side manner that I can remember.
Now that the bad news is behind me,,here is the Good News.
"Ok""give me the good news now" I say. "OH yes the good news" lol You have not had a bone scan in 2 years! and in 2 years there is no new metastasis at all, but better yet where we initially found the metastasis is completely gone! And your markers have and are dropping steadily".
"You're not kidding, are you?" I belt out. "No metastasis in all this time? and where there were metastasis they have all disappeared!?" and my markers are dropping!?" I sing out this time.
"Yes you heard right" he answered back. "Do you realize how amazing this news is?" You are a true Miracle and I am so happy" .
"You are not the only one, and I could not have done this without you, you have to know that" "Thank you so much . from the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you"then I add, "You see why you leaving is insane, Quebec is crying because it needs more good Doctors and because the ones that they had are leaving to go States side, and here you are , a wonderful Doctor who actually truly cares about his patients, and they are making you leave?!?!" "this is insanity at it's best"! I bellowed out.
He could not understand any of it either but he'll be back.
And I will continue on Kicking Cancers Ass!!
I will be seeing him 1 last time before he leaves for 6 months and after that I will be followed by Dr.Lawrence Panasci.
More to come
Have a Good One!
I went to my routine Oncologist Appointment for a check up and also where he prescribes my Chemo and Antibodies dosage for the next cycle. After they do the routine marker checks in my blood, that is when he is able to determine how and if the treatments are in fact doing their job or not..
Now let me back track here for a moment., about 3 weeks prior to this visit I underwent a routine bone scan , now when I say "routine" bone scan, that would mean for any one else other than myself, every 3 to 6 months max. LOL. I laugh because I haven't been what you would call a "normal cancer patient", mainly because I have missed a half a dozen or so bone scan appointments over the last 2 years!..
Never intentionally mind you, but for very valid reasons each and every time !, I just honest to goodness , had every intention of making and keeping the appointments but it never happened as it were , something always came up preventing me from being able to go.
My Oncologist Dr.Cristiano Ferrario would get so upset with me too whenever I'd missed the bone scan appointments let me tell you! But he was understanding and would never stay mad at me for very long. Fortunately for me, lol.
Any way going on with my good news lol,..Cristiano came in the room and says, " Hey Bon Giorno how are you and little Chloe? Chloe was of course sitting right there with me as usual, and I said , "Great Doc and you"? he says, "Very Good very good" and touches Chloe on the cheek making her blush
He then turns around and signs in to his computer to check my Blood Results, markers etc. and also the Bone Scan results.
After a few moments he turns to me and says, " I have some good news and I have some bad news". To which I say, "Oh"? Ok..Ummm tell me the bad news 1st, and this I tell you I had to really think about, but I'm tough I can handle it right? Ha , or so I thought because nothing could prepare me for what was going to come out of his mouth.
He then says, "Well before I go on, as you know I have been here in Canada for several years now and I have been practicing under Fellowship with Dr. Panasci," and Canada has been very lenient in that they have been continuously extending my Visa allowing me to be here this long".The hospital has offered me a permanent position here to which I have accepted". Now I am really happy at this point because not only have I been his 1st patient but he has been my 1st and only Oncologist,,I owe him my life. We are not just Doctor and Patient but over the years we have become friends..He knows me inside and out, and has been with me since the very beginning. And I have been very concerned to say the least about him deciding that he did not want to continue on as Oncologist for the Jewish General and or practice here in Canada period!
And now he just eased all my worries and is telling me that he has been offered a permanent position and has accepted it.
"That's great Cristiano" "Oh my God I am so happy for you and for me as well" I said,
"So what's the bad news then"? He leans over, runs his hand through his hair and says with he head kinda bent down ,but looking right into my eyes now and in a lower tone says to me" Despite all the valid reasons for Immigration to grant me permanent residence and allow me to become a citizen of Canada and this wonderful permanent position that has been put on the table by the hospital, they refused". . At this point I could feel my heart come to my throat, and my eyes start to spasm and burn. I could not believe what I was hearing, all the reasons for why he should stay was playing in my mind like the last images of ones life flashing in front of the eyes right before you know your life is coming to an end. "BUT" he adds, "They will grant me permanency if I leave Canada and return to Italy for 6 months and return as a new applicant" "The hospital has tried everything apart from offering me to take this to the News and contact their lawyers to fight this, but I said no I don't want to risk pissing Immigration off and ruining any of my chances, they assured me acceptance if I comply and leave for 6 months, they will grant me citizenship and a new applicant", "SO I promise you I will be back and we will watch each other grow old, together".
Inspite of all the reasons I hate the thought of him leaving me after everything he has seem me through, I am, relieved that this is temporary and he will be back. But I HATE IT!! I am mortified of the thought that I will have no choice but to trust another Oncologist with my life,,After we discussed it a little further and him doing and saying everything just right so as to make sure that believed that he was returning, we agreed that it made the most sense that I be followed with the Oncolgist who he has been under Fellowship with, Dr.Lawrence Panasci.
I met Dr.Panasci with Dr . Ferrario the very 1st time I went to the Jewish after my diagnosis and Mastectomy, and he is very familiar with my case and has been following the case all these years..
I met him also once when I was in the ER and he was very nice and had a great bed side manner that I can remember.
Now that the bad news is behind me,,here is the Good News.
"Ok""give me the good news now" I say. "OH yes the good news" lol You have not had a bone scan in 2 years! and in 2 years there is no new metastasis at all, but better yet where we initially found the metastasis is completely gone! And your markers have and are dropping steadily".
"You're not kidding, are you?" I belt out. "No metastasis in all this time? and where there were metastasis they have all disappeared!?" and my markers are dropping!?" I sing out this time.
"Yes you heard right" he answered back. "Do you realize how amazing this news is?" You are a true Miracle and I am so happy" .
"You are not the only one, and I could not have done this without you, you have to know that" "Thank you so much . from the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you"then I add, "You see why you leaving is insane, Quebec is crying because it needs more good Doctors and because the ones that they had are leaving to go States side, and here you are , a wonderful Doctor who actually truly cares about his patients, and they are making you leave?!?!" "this is insanity at it's best"! I bellowed out.
He could not understand any of it either but he'll be back.
And I will continue on Kicking Cancers Ass!!
I will be seeing him 1 last time before he leaves for 6 months and after that I will be followed by Dr.Lawrence Panasci.
More to come
Have a Good One!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
My Precious Daughter
Today started off like most days. .I was awakened my precious daughter's giggles and tickles. Something she has developed a quite a liking too., tickling my neck or giving me sweet little kisses .I wake up in the middle of the night quite often these days which is quite common for me since I have restarted chemo again several weeks ago. Something about Chemo causes bouts of insomnia for me usually, but this time I sleep quite heavily and want to sleep as much as I can, as a matter of fact a couple of weeks ago I was falling asleep every where, I'd fall asleep while talking with friends on the phone or sitting across the table from one another, I'd fall asleep chatting with Mom at the computer or worse while eating at the table lol....The frequent wakening is because of the pain in my back I wake up each time I want to change position or just turn over. I did however find out why I have been so exhausted recently. At my regular 4 week check-up with my Oncologist he told me that I would not be getting Chemo that day because my white cell count was too low but he was giving me the Herceptin which is an anti-body but only half the usual dosage, and the following week if my levels were normal than the Chemo would resume.,This new information however explained why I have been so exhausted..Now I am feeling alot more energetic and the body pains that Chemo causes is alot better now. I am feeling more and more like myself.
Maybe this new found energy is due to it being Spring too, and like the trees blooming my spirit and zest for life is blooming too in a sense..Apart from the chemo treatments I am always keeping myself busy with Chloe. She is growing ever so quickly and every day there are new adventures just waiting to be discovered. She loves to do everything and anything that Mommy does. She is quite the little helper too. I cannot even begin to express to all of you of how she warms my very soul with the little things that she does for me to show me how she is becoming a big girl now. In the mornings if she wakes up before I do she loves to make her bed or clean up the toys off the floor in the living room and make everything nice and tidy, and then after the ritualistic little kisses and tickling mommy she would say, "Mommy come see what I did for you" or "Mommy come see what I made for you", then she would take me by the hand ,tell me to close my eyes then guide me slowly to her room then say, "Okay Mommy, open your eyes!"..And then I would as always be gleeful and ecstatic and give her the praise she is rightfully due. Her bed is perfectly made, her toys are all out away and her room beautifully decorated according to her tastes and liking. Her face is beaming with joy as she struts around her room giving me detailed reasons for why each of her little pet shop toys are placed where they are. Each one of them has their place and she loves to build things for them too. Castles, barns, ranch corals etc..everything and anything that a pet shop toy would need and then some.
She helps with the dishes, and she also takes care of making sure Belle's bowls are full of food and fresh water, and the litter is swept off the floor, which is a task that has to be taken care of every day of course because Belle loves to toss litter out of her litter box every time she does her business LOL.
She accompany 's me every time I have to go to treatments too, and has done so since the beginning. I think that out of all the times I have had to go to the hospital for treatment , I can count in one hand how many times that she was not with me.
I try my best to make sure that she has what she needs and then some to make sure that she doesn't get bored..I make home made jello playdough so we can make things. Plenty of paper and crayons sometimes even paints, Story books so that I can read her stories .And for the times that I don't feel too well she'd play on her Leapster or watch the t.v which is thanks to the hospital for being equipped with televisions in every treatment room or station. Whatever the case may be I try to make it an enjoyable experience for her.
I always bring good things for us to eat too and we pretend that we are out on a picnic lol.
My daughter is you could say my best little buddy. It is because of her I fight so hard and I believe am winning this battle with the Dragon. It is because of her and for her that I am here, and with God's blessing remain here to watch with joy and amazement every blessed day of how beautifully my daughter grows into an amazing young adult.
Maybe this new found energy is due to it being Spring too, and like the trees blooming my spirit and zest for life is blooming too in a sense..Apart from the chemo treatments I am always keeping myself busy with Chloe. She is growing ever so quickly and every day there are new adventures just waiting to be discovered. She loves to do everything and anything that Mommy does. She is quite the little helper too. I cannot even begin to express to all of you of how she warms my very soul with the little things that she does for me to show me how she is becoming a big girl now. In the mornings if she wakes up before I do she loves to make her bed or clean up the toys off the floor in the living room and make everything nice and tidy, and then after the ritualistic little kisses and tickling mommy she would say, "Mommy come see what I did for you" or "Mommy come see what I made for you", then she would take me by the hand ,tell me to close my eyes then guide me slowly to her room then say, "Okay Mommy, open your eyes!"..And then I would as always be gleeful and ecstatic and give her the praise she is rightfully due. Her bed is perfectly made, her toys are all out away and her room beautifully decorated according to her tastes and liking. Her face is beaming with joy as she struts around her room giving me detailed reasons for why each of her little pet shop toys are placed where they are. Each one of them has their place and she loves to build things for them too. Castles, barns, ranch corals etc..everything and anything that a pet shop toy would need and then some.
She helps with the dishes, and she also takes care of making sure Belle's bowls are full of food and fresh water, and the litter is swept off the floor, which is a task that has to be taken care of every day of course because Belle loves to toss litter out of her litter box every time she does her business LOL.
She accompany 's me every time I have to go to treatments too, and has done so since the beginning. I think that out of all the times I have had to go to the hospital for treatment , I can count in one hand how many times that she was not with me.
I try my best to make sure that she has what she needs and then some to make sure that she doesn't get bored..I make home made jello playdough so we can make things. Plenty of paper and crayons sometimes even paints, Story books so that I can read her stories .And for the times that I don't feel too well she'd play on her Leapster or watch the t.v which is thanks to the hospital for being equipped with televisions in every treatment room or station. Whatever the case may be I try to make it an enjoyable experience for her.
I always bring good things for us to eat too and we pretend that we are out on a picnic lol.
My daughter is you could say my best little buddy. It is because of her I fight so hard and I believe am winning this battle with the Dragon. It is because of her and for her that I am here, and with God's blessing remain here to watch with joy and amazement every blessed day of how beautifully my daughter grows into an amazing young adult.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Woe is Me
Woe is me...it isn't that I am in denial or making less of a serious situation,
This is me fighting,, AGAIN. Last week I find out that 1 of 3 markers has gone up a bit. SO that means that I will be going through some Radiation again and Chemo Therapy..the difference is that this time around I will be doing it all at home, just not the Radiation LOL.
I will also be taking a new Anti- Hormone drug at home too. So no more intravenous treatments this time. and that is a bonus. The last time all my treatments were done through the I.V. It is a great relief knowing that I won't have to bring my little girl back and forth to my treatments, so this time we both won't be uprooted from the comfort of our own home. ..our sanctuary. The one place that we both look forward to being when we leave the hospital, the store, or even the homes of our families and friends.
At first when I got the news, yes it was a shock and it seemed for that moment that my back pain that initially started from injuring it a few weeks before the x-mas holidays got so much worse..And it was worse. Much worse. The Cancer was aggravated because of the injury. The Cancer that I knew was in my bones already. The Cancer that spread almost 5 years ago from my breast, but was in control for all this time, NOW is aggravated! Ha..imagine my cancer is aggravated..that is almost laughable , HA HA HA..I am aggravated!
Aggravated because I know that I have been doing everything right, keeping my stress level down. eating as best and as I possibly could, sleeping and exercising. But because of an injury and I guess the stress that it caused, VOILA!
I met with my Radiation Oncologist and he sent me for a CT Scan to see exactly where I need the Radiation..you see I am in considerable amount of pain, which is normal with what I have, the great thing is that after the Radiation not immediately but in a little time the pain will be all gone. And slowly but surely with the Chemo my markers will go back down.
This form of Chemo, chemo by mouth will be the first for me and I am confident that it will work..it has to work.
I am strong and a fighter and I will do whatever needs to be done, whatever it takes no matter what it is.
I have my little girl Chloe Megan who counts on me , her Mommy to fight this. To beat this.
TO WIN!
She is the best reason .
Our love will carry us through this. Always and Forever.
Together we will fight. Together we will conquer.Together we will WIN
Because Mommy loves you.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Rainy Day
Hello everyone,
I wasn't planning on writing anything today because my moods all depend on the weather, and today was not pleasant at all. I woke up this morning and thought for a moment that I must have been sleeping all through the day, because it was as dark as it usually is when the sun goes down around 4:30 or 5:00pm. Especially since the time change. But no it was just one of those dark and rainy days and the cold and dampness was causing my back to ache really bad
I spent the day on the couch under the blanket watching movies and playing games with Chloe, and sipping on many hot cups of tea.
I am also still at my friends place till tonight. Usually on days like these I like to spend time baking and cooking .Chloe really loves to help me especially when I bake, her favorite things to bake are brownies and just about anything with chocolate in the recipe as she spends most the time licking the batter from the bowl. LOL. And then we would curl up under our blankets and spend time reading or watching movies or a lot of the time Arts & Crafts.
But today considering that we weren't in our own domain,,We both were quiet while the rain outside continued to fall.
Don't misunderstand that I am a miserable person when it rains, quite the contrary I love the rain.
I just like the cold and damp rainy days, It makes me ache all over at times.. My Oncologist keeps telling me that I should live in Arizona or Florida or something LOL.
Well it's time to make some pizza and then me and Chloe will be returning to our quaint little home..It may not be much to some but it is home to us..:-)
Ahh home sweet home
Till next time
Enjoy the Rain
xoxox
Me
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