Woe is Me

Woe is me...it isn't that I am in denial or making less of a serious situation,

This is me fighting,, AGAIN. Last week I find out that 1 of 3 markers has gone up a bit. SO that means that I will be going through some Radiation again and Chemo Therapy..the difference is that this time around I will be doing it all at home, just not the Radiation LOL.

I will also be taking a new Anti- Hormone drug at home too. So no more intravenous treatments this time. and that is a bonus. The last time all my treatments were done through the I.V. It is a great relief knowing that I won't have to bring my little girl back and forth to my treatments, so this time we both won't be uprooted from the comfort of our own home. ..our sanctuary. The one place that we both look forward to being when we leave the hospital, the store, or even the homes of our families and friends.

At first when I got the news, yes it was a shock and it seemed for that moment that my back pain that initially started from injuring it a few weeks before the x-mas holidays got so much worse..And it was worse. Much worse. The Cancer was aggravated because of the injury. The Cancer that I knew was in my bones already. The Cancer that spread almost 5 years ago from my breast, but was in control for all this time, NOW is aggravated! Ha..imagine my cancer is aggravated..that is almost laughable , HA HA HA..I am aggravated!

Aggravated because I know that I have been doing everything right, keeping my stress level down. eating as best and as I possibly could, sleeping and exercising. But because of an injury and I guess the stress that it caused, VOILA!

I met with my Radiation Oncologist and he sent me for a CT Scan to see exactly where I need the Radiation..you see I am in considerable amount of pain, which is normal with what I have, the great thing is that after the Radiation not immediately but in a little time the pain will be all gone.  And slowly but surely with the Chemo my markers will go back down.

This form of Chemo, chemo by mouth will be the first for me and I am confident that it will work..it has to work.

I am strong and a fighter and I will do whatever needs to be done, whatever it takes no matter what it is.

I have my little girl Chloe Megan who counts on me , her Mommy to fight this. To beat this.

TO WIN!

She is the best reason .

And I intend to do just that, FIGHT> CONQUER>WIN!

Our love will carry us through this. Always and Forever.

Together we will fight. Together we will conquer.Together we will WIN

Because Mommy loves you.

Rainy Day

Hello everyone, 

I wasn't planning on writing anything today because my moods all depend on the weather, and today was not pleasant at all. I woke up this morning and thought for a moment that I must have been sleeping all through the day, because it was as dark as it usually is when the sun goes down around 4:30 or 5:00pm.  Especially since the time change. But no it was just one of those dark and rainy days and the cold and dampness was causing my back to ache really bad

I spent the day on the couch under the blanket watching movies and playing games with Chloe, and sipping on many hot cups of tea.

I am also still at my friends place till tonight. Usually on days like these I like to spend time baking and cooking .Chloe really loves to help me especially when I bake, her favorite things to bake are brownies and just about anything with chocolate in the recipe as she spends most the time licking the batter from the bowl. LOL. And then we would curl up under our blankets and spend time reading or watching movies or a lot of the time Arts & Crafts.

But today considering that we weren't in our own domain,,We both were quiet while the rain outside continued to fall.

Don't misunderstand that I am a miserable person when it rains, quite the contrary I love the rain.

I just like the cold and damp rainy days, It makes me ache all over at times.. My Oncologist keeps telling me that I should live in Arizona or Florida or something LOL.

Well it's time to make some pizza and then me and Chloe will be returning to our quaint little home..It may not be much to some but it is home to us..:-) 

Ahh home sweet home 

Till next time

Enjoy the Rain

xoxox

Me

My Mom

     My Mom isn't like any other Mom,

She didn't give birth to me, but she has been more of a Mom to me than my biological mother.

In my saddest of time she has given me enormous comfort. In my happiest moments she shares my joy.

In spite of the fact that she is far away ,I feel closer to her than my cat who's sitting on my lap.

She is also one of my best friends.There is nothing that I can't tell her, there is nothing that I can hide either because she has come to know me better than I at times even know myself.

I am far from being perfect and though I wish I could have been there as many times as she has been there for me ,because of illness or simply due to my shortcomings she forgives me completely. For that I am grateful.

Chloe my daughter has met her biological grandmother only once maybe twice in her entire 4 years of life and yet she had never called her "Grandma"

That title she gives only to my Mom. She speaks on the phone to her and tells her little tales of things that she has  done or is about to do, and when she ends her conversation, always ends it with , "I love you Grandma"

Very soon my daughter will meet her Grandma and will be able to finally give her the hug that I know she has been waiting for.

I love you Mom

I love you Grandma

xoxoxoxox
  

My day

My day started of pretty much as any other day with the one exception of how I was woken up . You will have to forgive me this is my first time blogging lol. You will have to excuse mistakes that I may make because this is my first time ever blogging lol. I will also do my best in making my blog as entertaining and as pleasurable as possible to read and follow for those who choose to be my followers. 

Now to get back to my morning, I was woken up by my little girl Chloe Megan and her god-sister Melanie talking up a storm on the bed and bouncing! And I was on the bed trying to stay asleep because I was really enjoying the dream I was having,, you know the kind of dream that is so good you desperately don't want any body to wake you? well that is the kind of dream that I was having.

 I am one of the fortunate ones that have lucid dreams. So I can literally wake up go and get a drink of water or do what ever person does when they get woken up in the middle of the night and then go right back to sleep and pick up where they left off.  But not today! It just wasn't going to happen. Once Chloe and Melanie had me awake they were not going to let me sleep.. Oh well maybe if I concentrate hard enough and don't let any other thoughts cloud my brain , then maybe just maybe I"ll continue where I left off in my dream. Boy I certainly hope so.

In my dream I was at my Oncologists office , Dr.Cristiano Ferarrio and he told me that the cancer was gone forever! The new experimental drug that they gave me basically killed any chances of my cancer returning and that now I would be able to go away for a vacation with my daughter..

It may not seem much for you but the joy that I virtually was feeling in my dream was so overwhelming.. The happiness and relief that I was feeling was so vivid, I was feeling real hope for mine and my precious little girls life and anxious to begin a new lease for a long and healthy life..And the possibilities for us was endless. SO it would really be cool if I can go to sleep tonight and continue where I left off to see and feel all the wonderful things that I plan and fulfill in this dream. But don't worry I am a fighter and have been winning this battle with breast cancer..I fight for my daughter Chloe and for those around me that care and love me. But I fight for me too. I love life and I intend to go on enjoying this precious life that has been given to me..

You know I am enjoying this blog stuff, It remarkably makes me feel good writing what I feel,and having this feeling like there are other people that I some know and some that I don't out  there in this vast planet that actually care about what I have to say. Me little ole' me. Wow. this is pretty awesome.

I feel good.

Thanks for listening, well cyber listening lol

Me :-*